I just arrived at home after a singing competition (karaoke competition?). I'm not always like to tell my experience in a competition but now i'm just in the mood so yeah. And like always I FEEL ASHAMED I FEEL LIKE I DIDN'T DO MY BEST I WASN'T GOOD ENOUGH WHY DID I JOIN THE CONTEST??
So, on 10 august naya sent me a pamphlet of a japanese singing selection for a big event in my town, jogja japan week. She asked me to sing duet with her. I wasn't sure at first (the judging criteria was performance, vocal, and pronounciation), but then i was like, "hell yeah why don't just give it a try? She knows what my voice like, though." I like to try new things and i'm okay with that. She sent me the song and we agreed to sing departure by scandal. I took haruna's part and naya took the tomomi's part. I listened to the song to memorize the lyrics.
At 19 august i got sick, like always, cough and influenza. I tried to maintain my healt before it got worse, but like always, it didn't work. At around 21 august i gave up and asked naya if she had signed us up for the competition and she said no because she thought that i maybe sick and she already noticed that i wouldn't get better for around 2 weeks. Also she didn't want to perform solo. It eased me. But after that we still tried to sing it together.
At around 23(?) august she told me that it was clear she wasn't going to go because she would have to attend one of our senior's invitation to her sweet seventeen party. But then at the evening she told me that probably we would still perform because her mom and her sensei (which one of the committee) expected her to. And days passed and we haven't signed ourselves and attend the technical meeting. But somehow one day before the competition she has done them all thanks to her.
By the way, 4 days ago it started to be really busy, school have additional time so it starts on 6:30am every monday-friday. I went to a doctor since i didn't get better (not even now) and got antibiotics and codeine. I'm getting sick and worried if i consume too much medicines while i'm sick so often the virus/bacteria/or even my own immune system is getting harder to control since antibiotics possibly make a mutan bacteria. I felt sleepy every morning, i mean, really sleepy that i can't handle it, because i found out that i have to consume the codeine twice a day which mean every morning and evening. I guess the codeine is for my sore throat but isn't a sleeping drugs mean to put me in sleep condition (forcing the nerves to sleep) so the medicines can work better? What if i feel sleepy and force myself to not sleep? Kind of disturbing to think.
Today, after school, me, naya, cacak, and chika (4Sinners fullteam woo!) went to jogja expo centre. We lost a bit so we came to the place a little bit late. I felt thirsty so while naya signed us up, me and chika went around the food court looking for hot orange juice. But they said it wasn't available so i just ordered a hot tea. I regretted it as soon as i tasted it. My throat feels dry and itchy. I told them but i tried to keep looking calm.
I saw people around and thought, damn cool otakus here? Some of them dressed up like visual kei and there we were, me wearing a black bmth shirt and jeans, and naya wearing her one ok rock tshirt plus jeans and jeans jacket. By the way actually we wanted to perform in our scout uniform because we were too lazy but finally we changed because cacak and chika insisted to. I forgot to comb my hair and took off my glasses so there i was like a nerd metalhead in the wrong place.
Finally it came to our turn (gosh i don't want to remember the detail so i'm typing fast hoping i would forget it soon). It was my first time, i guess. I joined so many competition i couldn't remember (don't ask why i still have my stage fever and being shy, idk). The mc called our name and we entered the stage. I noticed it when i started singing not my entire voice came out, like i didn't sing the full part of the sentences but i didn't do anything about it. I saw people litterally was looking and laughing at me. Even the judges, which one of them is a cool hot nihonjin B') and then naya whispered softly "at least do anything even just a bit" then i just realized that i was standing frozen the entire time dammit!
So the final result is, we left the place as soon as we finished our performance. I saw the video of our performance which chika recorded and i feel like i wamt to punch my face. I litteraly just stood there without even moving my feet or hands, and my voice was so low and couldn't be heard and even when it's heard it sounds like i don't pronounce the entire sentence.. "sa-ra-no-ki--suga--tane" ew now i know why people laughed at me. Naya was moving around and sang loud and clearly while me beside her like a fricking potato. I'm used to be embarassed in a competition or performance, but i usually bear the shame by myself, now i feel guilty to naya. Thank god she could understand and she didn't blame me and she heard my entire voice beside her, even it wasn't come out from the ampli.
Thank cacak and chika for supporting us at that time and for recording the video. I didn't join my class' band for the school event saf supernova because i was sick but thank god they passed and they will perform on the event. It would be awesome to be able to meet isyana sarasvati backstage, duh. I even rejected the school theatre to play the guitar.
Now i have one performance left, in other school's event, which in my class it's divided into 2 groups, and i'm the only 4sinners member who's apart, sadly. But it's okay though, i don't hope too much for this since i'm not really clique with the other people in my group and i'm the only one who can play instrument well. I dislike this idea right from the start because the other classmates are 80% vocalists, and now they expect me to play guitar for them and join many competitions without many jamming time while they can just sing easily. Don't blame me. We weren't even close at the first place, how could i teach you all, i won't even be able to speak up my opinion! Oh yeah it's better that they make use of me than being useless, isn't it?
I'm eating a bowl of instant hot curry ramen idc anymore about my throat duh